No week has ever been as tough as the last.
Crisis after crisis, I feel too strongly that I have pushed myself over the limit. And so does this part of the world, my home of 35 years.
Surely this is not the first time to work long hours, but this is the first time I feel so nihilistic and clueless. There are too many things that I do not understand.
As any of us in Hong Kong knows too well, the planet does not stop rotating just because something has happened. There are plenty of things going on as they should be, awaiting to be addressed, managed and resolved. Nothing stops and waits for anyone, and all we can do is to catch up as fast as we can. That's why I have never felt so stressful and overdraft, both physically and mentally. I'm really worried that something much worse than Hepatitis A will hit me hard like it did four years ago (just forget about the medical bills for the time being). I feel my bones and brain melting fast in unbearable heat and roaring flames that I can see no sign of extinction.
The absence of a finishing line can be extremely depressing. It feels like running for a marathon that never ends. You can't drop out, and every single leap requires extraordinary effort and determination.
I must be getting nuts. I'm desperate to see the finishing line but it is still not there. I want to be healthy with good sleep and workout but time is not at my disposal. I want to do a great job and then go and have some fun but I can't withdraw my thoughts from work.
Perhaps I'm just an idiot bothering too much about the impossible.