Since the New Year began I have been stressed out by hectic work schedules and enormous pressure to stay sharp and alert, and of course awake. Too many things caught me by surprise that I found myself almost drowned in the tides of work. The more the work dumped on me, the more restless and impatient I became as my personal time shrank to almost zero. Not to mention the regretful skips of my Korean class and the absence of revisions. Restlessness has become so irresistible that I feel myself on the brink of killing anyone I come across on the street any time.
Thank God that I could finally jog for a while and practise two sessions of tai chi in a row over this weekend. Working out is certainly the most effective way of keeping me afresh. But time has become so much of a privilege that I can't do as much as I want to. And this weekend I noticed how much my physical condition has dropped for skipping proper workout and tai chi class for two weekends. Last week my body issued so many warnings that I can no longer ignore them. Fatigue struck me so hard that I almost felt like four and a half years ago when I got Hepatitis A. I just don't want to give any chance for the nightmare to haunt me once again.
While working out is addictively fun and refreshing, there is a strong voice inside me that I need something more than physiological satisfaction. Since Christmas, I haven't been able to sit quietly in my haven to read and write for a meaningful period of time. My plan to study the history of Song Dynasty has been deferred involuntarily to an infinite. Only my bookshelves are rewarded by my conscious efforts to buy a large collection of history books last year. Not to forget my Korean learning reaching a new level that requires much more attention and study time. I don't know what to do with these plans, simply because my schedule is often out of my control. I can only keep these plans afresh in my mind from time to time, but again these may drive me nuts and restless when so much is being dumped on me.
I don't know if the recent happenings indicate some sort of hints or reminders for a change. And I really don't know what kind of change I should opt for. But I do hope everything will start afresh with a much better balance of life and work with the Chinese New Year. Fingers crossed.