Thursday, 5 August 2010

So Sick

Hard to believe this blog hasn't been updated for almost two months. Even harder to believe what happened over the past two months now seem a century old.

In the second week of June I embarked on a longed trip to China, trying to trace the footsteps of my favourite writer who lived nearly a millennium ago. Having witnessed how much China has transformed over the past two decades on various occasions, I didn't really have much expectation about the trip. To tell the truth, I was more anxious than excited, praying for little disappointment when I was on my own.

The trip was completed pretty much as planned, although disappointments are inevitable. Having been on the road all these years it seems more and more difficult to get excited in a trip: not for the unpleasant being seen and experienced, but the absence of nice, heart-warming surprises.

The worse was yet to come, however. Just days after returning home, I was plunged into an abyss of confusion and nonsense. How disgusting it was to see the glory-hungry politicians and opportunists feed themselves by sucking the blood of their prey. How frustrating it was to see high respect and great reputation evaporated almost overnight as a result of not only external exposure but internal decay. Worse still, how irritating it was to see so many companies with serious problems still survive in the market as if poor management is the common practice rather than an unwelcome exception.

By pulling myself into this so-called crisis the balanced pace of life was ruthlessly disrupted. The energy and good spirits built up during the month-long trip was drained away within days. The brain had no more room for Korean study and my grades this term have been unforgiveable. It has been quite some time since I crept out of the swirl but the physical and mental recovery is still half the way.

How much I regret my giving in and endurance of such sheer exploitation. How much I hate myself when it felt so difficult to say the two-letter word earlier.

Only the scent of books in the library and the colourful campus under the bright sky and glittering sunbeam could provide some meaningful consolation.

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