For some reasons I have had great difficulty to write for the blog again during the term break. Of course I knew what the reasons were, but I was not so sure which weighed more importantly than the other.
Now that the new term has started for three weeks and another long holiday for the Chinese New Year is around the corner, nothing seems to have improved. Disappointments and frustrations still abound. Motivation remains low despite the apparently more challenging curriculum this term.
Perhaps disappointment should share the biggest blame for the procrastination. The overwhelming sense of loss and grudge has yet to be overcome. Cognitively knowing something does not necessarily mean it can be emotionally accepted, especially when high expectations are involved.
I still hate myself for not being able to take action earlier than later, although I did not really have the capacity to do so. I know I have spent too much time on regret and resentment, but I just can't help. And after all those thinking and talking with friends, I still can't make up my mind -- to put up with the options available, or to give up altogether and go back to my old life anew.
Certainly procrastination does not help much when time is running short. It can easily lead to another regretful pass of the opportunity. I have been praying for guidance, but perhaps I have not done enough to make the one in charge convinced.
What should I do? To do or not to do? That is just one of the questions.