Friday, 3 April 2015

The Battle

From home to home,
I am on my own.
Sipping coffee,
Licking a wound,
From tip of the tongue
          pours the bitter, unspeakable tone.

Apart or assembled,
Longing seems inexhaustible,
Like a chain of flowing waters,
Swords and sabres subside,
Interception is impossible.

Dream is but a dream,
Sweet and sound as it seems,
Sustains not the softest whisper of reality
When the morning sun beams.

From home to home,
I stay on my own.
Tempted as ever,
Harder to resist,
The battle fights on
          till the heart rests in tomb.

16 comments:

  1. 似有些傷感既,咖啡喝時有點苦,在加了糖,會愈喝愈甜。

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    Replies
    1. 歡悅總是短暫,悲哀才是永恆。只有長久而深刻的感受,才能驅使我寫得出字來。
      喝咖啡,我已不再加糖,只加少許脫脂奶,或者索性喝齋啡。檸檬茶也一樣。

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    2. 歡悅多記著,悲哀讓時間沖淡去。

      喝咖啡對我來說已沒提神作用,是一種飲品而已,每天最少一至兩杯。喝齋啡會好傷胃,加少許奶或糖較好一些。

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    3. 歡悅的總是記不牢,悲哀的總是刻骨銘心,有甚麼辦法?記得甚麼不記得甚麼,是腦袋的活兒,輪不到我作主。
      喝咖啡只為過口癮,貪圖那香味而已,早提不了神啦。

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    4. 不肯放下,永遠也會記得,不能給腦袋控制一世。

      咖啡其實好奸,用香味掩蓋著苦味,引得人一喝難忘,從而上癮。

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    5. 不是不想放下,而是retrieval cues and reminders不停出現來「提醒」,除非老人癡呆才會無動於衷吧?
      加糖加奶本來就是阿茂整餅、自欺欺人,咖啡本質是苦澀的,這是多少糖和奶也改變不了的現實。

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    6. 我又不知是甚麼事,不能理解你的心情。人生中定有些人有些事是難以忘懷,若過左去的不停出現來「提醒」,更要笑笑面對打聲招呼,愁眉苦臉是無補於事。你又怎知老人癡呆一定會忘記晒往事?你唔俾會有些記得咩,要癡呆了才知的。

      就是咖啡本質是苦澀,所以才要阿茂整餅,不然,跟喝二十四味沒兩樣。

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    7. 愁眉苦臉倒不必,只是淡然無表情,心裡有個疙瘩,也笑不出來。心裡不爽就不爽,何必強顏歡笑,難為自己?為甚麼要自欺欺人?誰又稀罕了?
      大概我天生喜歡原汁原味,從小喝藥茶也不用吃糖送藥,一骨碌吞下去不就沒事了?阿茂整餅於其他人可能是情趣,於我卻是不必要的麻煩。吃不了苦,就別喝苦茶和咖啡吧。

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    8. 不是叫你去強顏歡笑難為自己,我意思是既然出現了,何不從容點面對呢。

      從小喝藥茶也不用吃糖送藥,你都算好叻,好有性格。咖啡是消閒日常飲品,苦中帶香,加少少糖少少奶,可把苦及香之精華引出來,會更好味。咖啡不是必需品,可喝可不喝,苦茶就不同,身體有不舒服或熱氣時會好有用,幾苦都要喝,苦口良藥嘛。

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    9. 喝藥茶不吃糖有幾叻?關鍵是我從小就明白無論吃多少顆糖,藥茶仍是苦的。這是現實。現實是用來面對,不是逃避的。生病了,總得吃藥;不過怕苦的人可以選吃西藥。怕苦又要喝藥茶,這就是為難自己。

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    10. 最少叻過我囉。小時候喝藥茶,我要人用糖果氹才肯喝,你算叻喇,會自動自覺的喝。小時候是怕苦,但現在已無有怕,平時上街見到涼茶店,間中都會幫襯。

      吃多少顆糖,藥茶仍是苦的,沒錯。小朋友怕苦,用糖送藥,也不算是逃避呢,只可算是家長用的一種獎勵鼓勵。如果西藥和中藥相比,那我寧願吃中藥了。最怕是藥丸吞不下的感覺,滋味較藥茶更苦,因藥丸已給水溶了些少在喉頭附近,又吞不下時比苦茶更苦。吃西藥喝藥茶是有需要才吃,這是為難自己,不成立。

      有事就要尋求辦法解決,別要自己屈埋。

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    11. 如人飲水,冷暖自知。有些事情不是你想解決就解決,權力不在你處,能處理的只有自己的情緒。但情緒是心靈的問題,腦袋有多靈光也未必能說服心靈。做了這許多年人,哪有甚麼道理不曉得?問題是理智與感情要一致通過決議。這就是我所面對的問題——自己跟自己講唔掂數。

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    12. 自己跟自己講唔掂數,咁攤牌啦,自己跟自己攤牌,問自己究竟想怎樣?理智與感情要一致通過決議,即你對問題中的人與事還有保留,那要考慮清楚了,雖知感情掩蓋理智的話,隨時會錯愛啊。

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  2. Anonymous3:39 am

    It appears that somebody or something is troubling you. I hope I have appropriate soothing words for you and your pain. Please do not deny yourself any help when you cannot cope with it.

    If you love coffee and wish to do something different, and most importantly get your mind off to somewhere else, I would suggest you to buy a coffee grinder and some whole coffee beans to make freshly ground coffee, whose aroma may make you never want to go back to the commercially ground coffee. Try and enjoy it.

    Samson
    Ontario, Canada

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Samson. That's very kind of you. Yes, I'm troubled because it is something out of my control and there is little I can do to better manage my attitude and emotional response. I know it takes time, but I am getting more impatient with myself than ever because it has taken way longer than usual to overcome and let go.
      I will see what else I can do. Thanks again.

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    2. Anonymous10:24 am

      My friend, life is too short to worry about any adversaries coming with it. People here use to say “When life deals you a lemon, make lemonade.” Think it over and tomorrow is another day.

      Samson
      Ontario, Canada

      Delete

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